La Douleur Exquise
by ofwritings
Summary: A story about roommates, unrequited feelings and bad timing. AU.
1. june

a/n: hello all! i recently binge-watched all six seasons of glee over again after two years of not watching it and i was slightly disappointed with how it ended/the direction that it went and i also really missed the finchel dynamic so this was born! it's very au and is definitely a work in progress but if you read it, thank you! i haven't written fic in a long, long time so constructive criticism is very much encouraged so please, please let me know what you think of it! it is safe to say that this story is dedicated to cory monteith whom i miss dearly and think about a lot. enjoy!

* * *

 _ **la douleur exquise**_ _[la doo-lyeur ex-keez]_ _"_

— _(idiom)_ A French, untranslatable phrase, describing the heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can't have. To say this phrase is synonym to unrequited love, limits its beauty. Unrequited love describes a relationship state, but not a state of mind. Unrequited love encompasses the lover who isn't corresponding, as well as the lover who desires. La _douleur excise_ evokes the emotional heartache, specifically, of being the one whose love is unreciprocated.

* * *

June, 17th

Rachel Berry couldn't say that she hated anything about New York City, how could she? She loved practically every little miniscule detail about the place. Ranging from how beautiful Rockefeller center was at Christmas time to the overcrowded subway – not a lot of things could get her down about the city she resided in, the city she called home. Except of course, she did _dislike_ certain things. For instance, she really, really did not enjoy the heat of a midsummer day in June. She couldn't for the life of her try to find one positive thing about the sweat dripping down her back or the way her leotard was sticking to her body in the most uncomfortable way imaginable.

It also didn't help that she was now homeless and had spent the last few weeks sleeping on her best friend Kurt Hummel's couch. Don't get her wrong, Kurt was a wonderful host. He kept her entertained; sang ballads with her upon request, sipped wine with her at late night hours, watched re-runs of Seinfeld, and even tucked her in at night when she had gotten a little too generous with the red wine bottle (an occurrence that had become more and more frequent since she found herself on his couch to begin with.) He kept her busy, kept her mind off things. He was being a good friend, letting her sleep on his couch, put up with her fragile state of mind, he was even prepared for any outburst of tears that she was bound to shed, always there offering a box of tissues. But there were times like this one, where she was coming back from a long day at the dance studio, a layer of sweat covering her entire body due to the humidity of the city and walked into the apartment, a symphony of moans and lustful sighs wafting in the air.

She didn't want to complain, nor could she. Kurt and Blaine were so understanding, practically spoon feeding her in order to help her get back on her feet again. It wasn't their fault that their unadulterated love for each other made bile rise up in her throat. It wasn't their fault that she was bitter about any kind of relationship that didn't involve her. She had to get it through her head that just because her love life was in complete shambles, completely and utterly over, didn't mean she could drag everyone else down with her.

It was just slightly horrifying how often she had to hear Kurt and Blaine go at it. They were like bunnies, and maybe it didn't help that they lived together, that they were so domestic. But honestly, how much sex could two people have? Just the other day she had walked into the apartment to find the two of them intensely dry humping on the couch; she made the executive decision to sleep on the floor that night, the memory too vivid in her mind.

She didn't really have the jurisdiction to be upset about it, so instead of being bitter about all the sex she wasn't having, she dropped off all of her bags, including the huge painting that Kurt asked her to bring back from the gallery across the street from the studio. He had insisted that it was going to lighten up the living room. "It shows the subjectivity of art so well, Rachel. It's got the subtle hint of sexual identity peeking through with other hints of longing."

Rachel thought it looked like someone had been dumped in paint and then rolled around on white canvas. One thing she did know about it was that it was heavy.

After she had placed the painting in the corner, she quietly washed up as much and as fast as she could, trying not to disturb the events taking place in the other room. She slipped off her ballet clothes, settling for gym shorts and a bright pink tank top that was light enough so that it wouldn't stick to her skin, even in the summer heat. After grabbing a water bottle and her iPod, she darted out of the apartment as fast as she could, making no sound at all.

Rachel had gone on so many walks over the past few weeks that once she hit the fifteen mark, she stopped counting. It was therapeutic, coupled with background music that consisted of her and Kurt's favorite musical soundtracks, she felt somewhat less troubled when she went for these walks to clear her head. It was also nice to get away from the consistent sickeningly sweet love that was all around her.

Kurt and Blaine weren't Rachel's first initial choice when it came to slumming it. She had considered Santana, Brittany and Mercedes' offer of letting her stay with the three of them in their shared apartment just between Madison and Park. She realized quickly though after a few nights that their lifestyle wasn't something Rachel could handle. Santana and Brit were a pair for the ages, so in love and yet, they were more subtle about it (or maybe just quieter?) Yet, the three roommates seemed to never sleep. They had guests over practically every night of the week and Rachel had found it harder and harder to get up every morning with a hangover and make her way to her 9 am class. So when Kurt explained how terrible her under-eye bags were and that he was worried for her wellbeing, his offer seemed like her best bet.

It was unfortunate though, somewhat pathetic even, Rachel knew that. She was 22 years old, on her way to begin her senior year of college and her life was crumbling around her when it should have been coming together. Everyone kept telling her not to worry about it, that she'd be able to recover from this, she just needed time. But it had been _weeks_ and every day felt like it had been more difficult than the last. She hated this feeling, the feeling of inferiority. Everyone had been treating her like a child, continuing to act like they were walking on egg shells around her, that she was a ticking time bomb that could go off at any minute. Maybe she was, but that didn't make it any better. She just wanted everyone to start acting normal again, even if she still was extremely torn up about it. Although at this point, she wasn't too positive that she was ever going to fully recover.

She avoided thinking about it on the typical day, but usually on her walks. it gave her a chance to really understand what had happened—that it all wasn't just some twisted dream. It had begun after her opening night of _Little Shop of Horrors_. NYADA put on a musical at the end of every semester and she had scored the main lead of Audrey, just like she had gotten the female lead the two semesters before. She was elated, the show went off with no trouble at all and everything was a complete success, including the full house and the tears she had caused throughout the audience. Carmen Tibideaux had been sitting front and center, applauding manically over the performance. It should have been the best night of her life, really but one person had been missing, the one person who had told her he would be there, that he wouldn't miss it for the world. But when she had come out of the dressing rooms, nodding politely at all the "congratulations" thrown her way, she never caught one glimpse of her fiancé.

She knew that his absence at her show was a sign, after all – Arnstein slowly stopped going to Fanny's productions in Funny Girl, and that was the beginning to the slow decline of their marriage. Although debatable sometimes, Rachel's life definitely was not a Broadway musical, as much as she would have enjoyed that. So while the progressive loss of interest Jesse took in Rachel's career was concerning, she never thought it would go as far as it ended up. Their relationship hadn't been going well the past few weeks after her NYADA production, he had grown distant. He was no longer telling her every little detail about his day or instinctively entwining their fingers together with his free hand as he drove her to rehearsal through the busy streets of New York. They were all little things, ones that were supposed to mean nothing, but his absence at her opening night had been the first really big one. They started arguing more too, about petty things like why she left a drop of the almond milk in the carton and never took it out of the fridge or why he was always coming back late at night, the smell of perfume and alcohol lingering on him as he slid into bed beside her (okay, so that was a little more than a petty problem.)

She knew that they were both pulling away from each other, but she had never expected that they weren't going to be able to fix it, to put whatever it was bothering him behind them and thrive like they always had—since her senior year of high school. It was even something they talked about constantly. Just because they were young didn't mean they were going to rush things, they didn't want to ruin what they had. They would wait and he would never stop loving her and eventually, when the time came, they would get married—all would be as it should.

It didn't turn out that way though, much to Rachel's dismay. One night, in an attempt to reconcile the relationship and _fix_ things—something that Rachel genuinely thought they could do—she ad come home a little tipsy (she needed to loosen herself up a bit, that was all. Liquid courage.) She had recently bought a new set of lingerie, something that Santana agreed looked "absolutely smokin' on her," and had stripped down so that she was clad in only lace with a champagne bottle in her hand. Rachel thought fun and spontaneous was what they needed, to rekindle a lost fire.

What she didn't expect was to find Jesse in bed with a beautiful blonde girl underneath him. Her own fiancé, a man whom she had trusted and had spent four, long years with—throwing it all away to screw a girl with no name. She remembers the look of horror on his face clear as day, one that probably matched her own as she felt the champagne bottle drop onto the hard wooden floor and shatter beneath her feet.

"Fuck – Rachel. You said you weren't going to be back until Saturday." His tousled brunette curls made Rachel want to cry as he got off of the girl and started putting clothes on, the blonde scurrying out of the apartment to avoid the inevitable. She wanted to tell him that today _was_ Saturday; it was May 9th, to be exact. She had marked it on her calendar because she had been planning this night for a while now, wanting it to be special. She didn't say anything though, just looked at him as tears rolled unwarranted from her eyes.

"Rach—"

"Don't touch me." She sobbed, pushing the hand that had been outreached towards her away from her body. "I can't even look at you."

"Rachel, please… I can explain."

But she didn't give him the chance to. Instead, she vomited—right on his bare feet before she turned and ran out of the apartment as fast as she could.

She had cried for what felt like years and she tried everything—yoga, extreme fitness regimes, one-night stands, Streisand marathons, and the one token tactic, drinking away her sorrows. She spent a good three days on a booze binge, just to get over Jesse. Just to get over a stupid boy who had told her that he was never going to love anyone as much as he loved her.

Of course, Jesse had tried to call, tried relentlessly to make it right but there was no turning back. Rachel was left with nothing, no fiancé, no apartment; just a hollowed out hole where her heart should have been.

The walks were helping though, slowly but surely.

Maybe it was the heat of New York that was making her a little delusional, but she felt motivated all of a sudden. She hated that she had gone through this in her favorite city. Now whenever she thought about New York she was going to think about that awful time the man she was supposed to marry and love forever broke her heart by screwing some other girl in their shared bed in their shared apartment. Rachel was a strong girl, but she didn't know how she was going to recover from this, maybe she never really would. But right at this moment in time, as she walked through Times Square, disregarding every tourist who passed her by, she felt like she needed to do something to make her feel whole again; to feel like Rachel Berry again.

* * *

She got out of Times Square, maneuvering her way around crowds of people while blatantly ignoring requests from tourists to take their picture. It wasn't until she had walked long enough for her feet to ache where she found a quiet bookstore hidden away from the more common parts of the city. She had a mission and when Rachel Berry set a goal for herself, she didn't pay much else attention. In fact, she was so enveloped in her own thoughts that she completely disregarded anything that was happening around her. She fished out her phone from her front pocket, sent a quick text to the group message with her, Kurt, Blaine and Santana, stating that she was "feeling motivated" with an emoticon attached to let them know just how bright things were looking. Afterwards, she searched around in her over-the-shoulder bag she had on her, glad that she carried a pad and pen with her just in case of emergencies. Then, she got to it.

The first thing on 'Rachel Berry's Guide to Finding Herself' list was to look for a new apartment and with a new apartment also came a new roommate. She put stars next to those two things, since they were her main priority. She quickly sent a text to Jillian, the woman whom she nannies for and told her she was ready to come back any day now. That got rid of the funding issue, and Rachel happily crossed that off of her list. The next few things mainly consisted of ideas to get her back in the right mindset. She needed to go grocery shopping; protein shakes and juice cleanses were going to rejuvenate her and help her recover from all of the alcohol lingering in her system. She also needed to make a dream board, like she did back in high school. Nothing was going to get accomplished if she continued to let herself mope around like she had been doing the last few weeks (she writes 'no moping' in bold letters at the end of her somewhat short list.)

Satisfied for now, she finally looks up from her notepad. The bookstore is rather vintage, she thinks. It's got mahogany tables and puke green plush couches scattered around the place with aisles of books. Rachel decides she's been productive enough for the day—the list was a start, she was taking baby steps. She gets up from her seat, packing up all of her things back into her bag and when she realizes she's ready to go, she hesitates to go look for a book that might engage her mind. She finds herself in the Modern British section, her index finger running along the spine of the novels mindlessly until she's forced to stop and move due to the presence of another person. She's about to turn the corner to venture into the science fiction section when she hears her name being called out.

"Rachel—Rachel Berry?"

The tone of voice is low, obviously male and sounds very familiar. She can't quite pinpoint exactly who it is until she turns around and is simply staring at a broad chest. She lifts her head and her eyes meet with someone who she would least expect to see in the city, especially at a random, discreet bookstore.

"Finn Hudson?" Rachel must resemble a deer in headlights because she can physically feel her eyes practically protruding out of her skull. She's forced to look away and do a double take to make sure that the 6'3 male in front of her wasn't a figment of her imagination. "What—what are you doing here?"

Finn looks around and shrugs, reaching a hand behind his neck to rub the spot in an awkward motion, looking down at his feet first before looking back at Rachel. "Well, uh—I was just here to get a few books for my—"

Rachel cuts him off. "No, I mean. What are you doing here? In New York. Last time I checked, weren't you in Ohio?"

Finn clears his throat awkwardly, a boyish grin falling across his features as his gaze falls to his feet again. "Right, yeah. I graduated from Ohio State a few years ago and uh—I got offered a position to transfer to the city and y'know, how could I resist, being so close to Kurt and all." He finishes off his explanation with a shrug before looking up expectantly at Rachel. "I'm surprised he didn't tell you. I've been planning the move for a few months now."

Rachel has never been more confused or practically bamboozled in her whole life and she's dealt with some pretty surprising things—morbidly enough, walking in on her fiancé with another girl being one of them. But this really caught her off guard; it was completely out of left field. Of course, Kurt hadn't mentioned anything to her, probably because he assumed (wrongly) that she wouldn't care, maybe because he thought she had too much on her plate, which was a more reasonable excuse. It was a little troubling though and very confusing, even somewhat hurtful. Kurt told her everything, especially important things like how his own step brother was moving to the city that they currently resided in. She knew that there was a distinct look of hurt displayed through her features, but she quickly focused on putting her best poker face on in order to lie to Finn so that he wouldn't think that her best friend in the whole world kept this extremely huge news from her.

"Actually—he did! Tell me, I mean. I think it just slipped my mind is all." She explained, trying not to make it obvious that Kurt actually failed to mention it.

The thing about Finn Hudson was that Rachel didn't know him very well and that fact was evident in this conversation. He was two years her senior, which meant that by the time she was a junior at McKinley High, he had already graduated. The only confrontation they had were the times during her sophomore year where he would slushy her in the halls. Later, when Kurt and Rachel had developed a solid friendship that went outside of glee club and Finn was attending Ohio State, she'd sometimes run into him at Kurt's annual Christmas party but they had never really had more than a five minute conversation before. Even when Finn came up and visited Kurt for a few days, Rachel was either too busy to actually spend time getting to know Finn or the setting was all wrong (there were usually always parties whenever anyone from Lima came to visit, she distinctly remembers one year Tina coming up and getting her butt tattooed, a night that Rachel did not remember. Those were the kind of circumstances that caused Rachel to fail at even trying to get along with Kurt's stepbrother.) Those few minor details left this confrontation to be a little more than uncomfortable and one that Rachel wanted to get out of right away.

There's a long pause afterwards and she looks down at her feet and then at the exit, thinking about some possible excuse as to why she has to leave all of a sudden when just a minute ago she had been carelessly roaming the aisles for any kind of novel that peaked her interest. Instead, she interjected with some more small talk because that was the only reasonable thing to do in order to break the uncomfortable silence. And if anything, Rachel refused to be rude to her best friend's brother.

"So uh – when did you move to town?" She asks, leaning against the bookcase slightly.

"Just yesterday, actually. I've been moving my stuff into my apartment all day so I decided to take a break and hang up some fliers around the area. The rent's too high for one person so I've gotta find a roommate." He pauses, looking down at his feet which Rachel takes note of since it seems like a sort of defense mechanism or something—judging by the way he's done it so many times in just this one conversation. "You know a lot of people in New York, right? Got anyone in mind?"

His question strikes Rachel as odd. It couldn't be sheer coincidence that right when Rachel decides she needs to go out and look for a new place to live, Finn Hudson just magically turns up and tells her that he's in the same predicament. No—nothing in life was that simple, and she had this distinct feeling that maybe Kurt had told Finn to do this, that this was all some kind of ploy to help her get back up on her feet again.

The thought made her extremely weary and suddenly, she felt the need to get out of there—to go somewhere, anywhere else. With a raise of her eyebrows, she simply blew off his question with a wave of her hand. "There are tons of people in New York, Finn. It's a wonderful city and I'm sure you'll find someone. But I've actually got to run, I uh—am late. Yeah, I'm late for my… my dentist appointment. I'll see you soon, I'm sure."

Her words come out in a rush and she's barely even coherent before she brushes by him while practically sprinting out of the bookstore, the chime of the door ringing in her ear before she's faced with the onslaught of the cities sounds of conversation and traffic. There was no dentist appointment, of course but it was the only thing she could think of on the spot like that and Rachel has a quick thought that she really needs to work on her improv skills. She only feels slightly relieved once she's about two blocks away from the store and she lets out a quick sigh, trudging through her bag in order to find her phone and check the time. Her iPhone reads 5:43, which just so happened to be the busiest time of day, much to her chagrin. She had given Kurt and Blaine a solid hour and a half – if they weren't done with their _activities_ by now then Rachel was going to have to have a serious conversation with the both of them. As she made her way back to the pair's apartment, she couldn't help the feeling of uneasiness coursing through her entire being. The idea that Finn could possibly know everything about her recent mishaps in life made her want to drop off the face of the earth. She hardly knew the guy and yeah—there was some sort of consolation due to the fact that he was her best friend's stepbrother but the reality of the fact was that she was _embarrassed_. Finn was always going to be connected to McKinley and Lima in her mind. He was always going to be this person who intimidated her and not many people intimidated Rachel Berry. McKinley High Rachel Berry had her whole life planned out; a husband, a Tony, a family—everything that she could ever want and there was Finn Hudson; a reminder that she hadn't accomplished any of that and had actually started taking steps backwards, her goals seeming more and more impossible every day.

Maybe she was being dramatic, but she didn't want anyone to pity her. It was nice that Finn was living in New York, it was probably a great opportunity for him but she didn't want any charity. He could very well find a complete stranger to live with and Rachel could find her own apartment on her own. She was capable of doing that, she just needed some time to make it happen. She didn't want anyone to do her any favors and if she had to drill that into Kurt's head for him to understand then she would.

* * *

She walked into the apartment rather loudly in order to make her presence known. It was unnecessary though, Kurt was alone, standing at the island with a glass of wine already poured for the two of them (which was rather surprising because Kurt had recently created a new rule that there was to be no drinking before 7 pm) Rachel simply glares at him, tentatively walking over and gently bringing the wine glass up to her lips.

"I heard you bumped into Finn. Told me you rushed out to go to your dentist appointment—odd though since we usually always schedule those on the same day so that we can go together." He says, tapping his fingers against the marble table. She doesn't respond, instead gulping down another sip of the bitter wine in her glass. "Look—I was going to tell you that he was coming, it just wasn't exactly on my radar, considering everything that's been happening."

She tilts her head and raises her eyebrows, a light scoff leaving her lips before she replies. "We tell each other everything, Kurt. How does this little thing just simply slip from your mind?" Her voice is surprisingly calm considering how upset she is over this. Typically, Rachel would be hollering, in awe that her _best friend_ since her _sophomore year_ of _high school_ , purposely withheld important information from her. She would usually be appalled, angry and dramatic, but right now, she was simply just sad and confused. "It's one thing to keep this from me. I get it, I don't know Finn that well and it doesn't directly affect me in anyway but you can't just forget about all those times that we stayed up together sophomore year crying about how he was the new addition to your family."

"Of course I remember that!" He retaliates, pushing an exasperated hand up into his chestnut tendrils. "Sophomore year sucked, Rach. You were the only person who helped me sort out all of those confusing feelings that I had for the guy. You helped me adjust to the move when my dad married Carole and you never once complained when all I did was talk about how annoying Finn was. I remember all of that. The fact that he's here, well… it just didn't affect you—it wasn't even affecting me, really. He's already got an apartment, he's got everything all set for himself. I was just supposed to pick him up from the airport, help him find someone to live with and throw him a party—that's all."

Rachel's not exactly sure what she's supposed to say but she feels like she doesn't have a valid reason to be angry with him, not now. So instead, she settles for the truth.

"I'm just—I'm just embarrassed, Kurt." It's a relief to get the words out and by the look on Kurt's face; he understands that the root of the problem wasn't that Kurt had withheld the information from her. It was the apartment situation; it was Finn coming in trying to save the day. "He just comes out of nowhere and tries to fix all of my problems; problems that Finn really shouldn't even know in the first place."

"I didn't tell him why you were living with us, Rachel." Kurt quickly adds, having the distinct urge to get that through her head. He knows how worked up Rachel can get about these things. She loves being independent, it's part of her personality and he's known that about her since she was fifteen years old. He just can't find it in himself to keep letting her go on this way, she's better than this. Rachel knows it, he knows it and when Finn had explained to Kurt he was going to be moving to the city—it was the perfect opportunity, a way for Kurt to somehow help Rachel. He had only the best intentions.

Sighing, Kurt tries to put this into words but somehow fails, instead focusing on the fact that Finn doesn't know the information that Rachel would lose her mind if he had. "I don't think he knows about Jesse, first of all—that he even exists—so he just assumed you were looking for a new place. All I said was that it was complicated and he dropped it, he's not the type to gossip." Rachel's expression changes just a tad, from one of utter exasperation to a somewhat, duller look of embarrassment. Her cheeks are even tinted a light rose. Kurt's not finished yet though, feeling that he needs to explain the situation to his friend in more depth. He places his glass of wine on the granite tabletop and walks around it so that he can reach out to her, turning her around in order to face him while placing his hands on her shoulders. "It seemed like the perfect opportunity. Finn had a solid job in Columbus as a drama teacher for a while and he had been commuting from Lima, going back and forth. He got a job offer to teach Dramatic Arts at that upper-east side private school, Loyola. The one between 83rd and 84th. He's even gonna coach the show choir there." A light smile appeared on Kurt's features, like he was proud that his brother had found what he loved to do and was successfully doing it. Rachel suddenly feels so foolish that she had ever been upset to begin with. How could she not see that this was good for the two brothers? A way to bring them together, even.

"I'm just excited." Kurt continues. "I love the kid, he's been a solid brother the past few years and I was excited to have him a little closer. When he asked what I thought, I told him the truth—that it was a good idea and that if he needed a roommate to split rent with, I had someone in mind. I never expected the big lug to go and run into you randomly and spring all of that information on you. I was going to ease you into it. Finn needs you just as much as you need him."

Rachel's entire demeanor changes as the realization of Kurt's words sink in. She can't be angry at all about this, and she realizes that now. In retrospect, it really wasn't all that bad. Finn had to find someone to live with anyways; he had no reason to feel bad for her, not if he was actually unaware of the Jesse situation. Yet, Rachel found herself still hesitating, regardless of what seemed like an ideal situation. Maybe it had to do with her incessant need to always do things on her own without anyone's help or maybe it simply came down to self-sabotage and she could never let anything in her life come easily to her. Instead of voicing these thoughts though, she simply looks up at Kurt with a soft yet sad smile on her lips. "I just don't want anyone doing me any favors, Kurt. You as much as anyone should know that I don't take kindly to pity. I thought, I _hoped_ that I could figure it out on my own."

"Yeah but Rachel, he doesn't have any reason to feel bad for you. He just needs a roommate; it's as simple as that. He doesn't know that Jesse is the scum of the earth, nor does he need to. He simply just needs someone to split rent with, it's almost like you're doing him a favor."

Kurt doesn't know that Rachel has already come to this conclusion in her thoughts, even if she still manages to be hesitant. She's starting to understand the situation and Kurt can tell that she's warming up to the idea. "He didn't even really ask me, you know." Rachel interjects after a slight pause in conversation. "He just asked if I had anyone in mind. He was subtle, I guess. I kinda just ran away."

Kurt laughs and decides that now is a good time to go in for a hug and frankly, Rachel needs it. She had been overthinking it all and Kurt eases her nerves, clears her head, even if for only a little while. "He told me, called me up right after and told me that you looked like a deer in headlights." He pauses as they both take a moment to laugh and relax into each other; Kurt rubbing her back in a soothing motion before pulling away to look her in the eyes. "No one is asking you to make the decision right away. You still have our couch and you're welcome to it whenever you need it. It's just an idea, Rachel and you don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable with."

Rachel takes a second to think about her options. It's really not a big deal and this opportunity seems like a blessing in itself, she'd be foolish not to take it up. But she also needs to know details: how much rent costs, what the apartment looks like, minor things. When she voices those concerns to Kurt, like always, he has a solution.

"Blaine and I are throwing the kid a little get together tonight. It'll give you guys a chance to talk and sort things out. I also bought Blaine the cutest bowtie ever, so don't forget to shower him with compliments."

Rachel lightly scoffs, pulling away from him and gently nudging his arm in a playful manner. "I think Blaine's ego will shatter if he doesn't get at least one compliment from me tonight and we can't have that happen, can we?"

* * *

"I told you," Kurt explains. "Tonight it's small—a welcome to the city kind of thing. Then once Finn's got all of his stuff in the apartment and you've moved in, we'll have an actual party. With streamers and everything."

Kurt doesn't register the hesitation on Rachel's face, but he's too hopeful and Rachel doesn't want to ruin that, not tonight at least. It's only been a few hours since she had initially found out about Kurt's plans for her, so she was still trying to figure out how she felt about the whole thing. Plus, she had yet to see Finn and talk to him about it yet. Hopefully, once she got the chance to do that then things would start feeling clearer for her.

After the long conversation she and Kurt had, they left the apartment to go to the nearest liquor store which meant Rachel had the distinct pleasure of carrying the boxes of beer up to their apartment. She had dropped a box on the way up so when she watches Blaine open a can and having it explode on him—she stifles a laugh before turning away and focusing her attention on Kurt once more.

"I'm glad it's small, I don't think I'm prepared to be overly social just yet." Rachel tells him.

Right on cue though, Finn walks in—two or three people that Rachel doesn't seem to recognize in tow behind him. She suddenly feels awkward; just a few hours ago she had been running away from him—afraid that he had secret intel on her deepest and darkest secrets that currently shamed her and now they were going to be forced to be in the same room together for hours.

For some reason though, Rachel had expected Finn to be greeted like a normal guest—like someone who was simply just moving in, who didn't know much of the city or the people, someone who was still trying to get accustomed to the craziness of New York. Yet the moment he walked in, the energy of the party increased by tenfold and suddenly Rachel felt stupid for not realizing that these are Finn's friends too. It's actually quite odd; how dismissive Rachel has been about Finn all these years. It's almost as if she's forgotten that Finn also attended McKinley, he had been high on the social latter meaning he was good friends with Santana and Brittany and so she watches as the four of them reconcile—Santana offering him a beer and a friendly hug the first chance she gets. Rachel knows it's been years since she graduated from McKinley—four years for her, six for Finn but she can't help the uncomfortable feeling sitting in the bottom of her belly that this moment was like high school all over again; the cheerleaders and jocks having an amazing time while she sat in the corner and simply watched. All that was missing was a blue raspberry slushy to the face and she may as well be in the halls of McKinley right at this moment.

She makes a very odd and brash decision—one that is very uncharacteristic of her, yet she does it regardless. Tentatively, she strolls over to the small group of her friends and Finn, her wine glass clutched in her fingers so tightly that if she held onto it any harder she's sure the glass would shatter. "Berry! How was the dentist?" He asks, looking down at her with a dumb smile on his face.

She ignores his comment raising her glass and pronouncing a toast. "To Finn." She exclaims with faux excitement. Finn cranes his neck in order to look down at her much smaller and shorter frame, giving her an appreciative nod. "Welcome to New York."

It's simple and yet everyone cheers loudly, giving Rachel her chance to slip away from the over excited and tipsy group in order to make her way to the kitchen. She's content with her small gesture; it had gotten her small group of friends all riled up and gave her the opportunity to slip away. She's not used to feeling so out of place which makes it all the more reasonable for her to sit on the granite counter top of Kurt and Blaine's kitchen simply scrolling through her phone and sipping at her glass.

It might be only minutes or maybe even hours that go by until someone comes and tries to talk to her, Rachel hasn't been paying much attention—focusing instead on the cat videos she had pulled up on her phone. She glances up, catching a sight of tousled brown hair and brown eyes before looking back down at her phone again. She's not even being remotely subtle at this point about her need to dismiss Finn in every possible way she can. She knew that her attitude had changed drastically between the time she had the conversation with Kurt to now, she knows it's because his presence makes her uneasy, that she's intimidated by it, that this whole night is about him when for the last few weeks everything had been focused on getting Rachel off her feet, helping Rachel be herself again. It was selfish to want attention all the time and then spite the person who took it away from her, childish even, something that Rachel would have done in high school. This just added to the realization that Finn's presence was not helping her get out of that high school mentality.

She can hear him speak to her, hears the soft vibrato of his voice as she attempts to block him out and focus on her cellphone in hand. But she realizes that she's being rude to someone who doesn't necessarily deserve it and so she puts the phone down and looks up, finally.

It's the first time she's ever been eye-level with the guy, usually she's always face to face with his annoyingly broad chest or she's craning her neck to look up at him or he's doing this weird hunch thing with his body in order to have a very short conversation with her. The height of the countertop though makes her even with him and now she's still not paying attention to what he's saying—if he's saying anything at all, she's just slightly distracted by the very deep brown of his eyes, which she shuns herself for later because as someone with big, brown eyes, they're not even supposed to be enrapturing in the slightest.

She manages to let out some garbled nonsense about what she had been watching on her phone and he smiles which in most cases would mean that at least he's humoring her.

"You've been pretty anti-social tonight, I gotta say." Finn tells her. She doesn't have much of a response so she shrugs instead. "I'm so used to the bubbly, bright-eyed girl who always sings like, ten different songs at our Christmas parties. My mom always raves about you for like hours on end afterwards, saying how you need a Christmas album out." There's a pause, Rachel's only smiling because of the thought of releasing her own Christmas album, filled with whatever Hebrew symphonies she could find because she's always been one to stick to her roots. But the thought is cut short as Finn continues. "If it's because I like, bombarded you in that bookstore—I didn't mean to, freak you out or whatever, I thought—"

She cuts him off, downing the rest of her wine glass. "I'm just in a weird mood, you didn't do anything wrong." Her words don't seem to have much impact because the look of guilt on Finn's face is evident. Yet, Rachel can't find it in herself to try and dissuade that feeling from him and a little part of her wants him to feel bad even if there's no logical reasoning behind it. So instead of sticking around and being in a somewhat uncomfortable interaction—she places one of her dainty, perfectly manicured hands on Finn's broad, grey sweater clad shoulder to use as leverage in helping herself to the floor. She sways slightly, still holding onto the taller boy but feeling the effect of a few too many glasses of wine rushing to her head.

"Wait, Rachel—I was hoping we could talk about—"

"Later, Finn." She says, ignoring the way his eyebrows are furrowed in confusion before she lets her hand drop from his shoulder and proceeds to exit the room.

For a short time after, she lets herself enjoy the little time that she has with her friends. She ignores Santana's looks of concern and ignores the sight of Kurt and Finn talking in hushed tones in the corner of the room and she also even ignores one of her NYADA classmates who's name she can't remember insistent need to always pat her butt in the most non-aggressive way they're capable of whenever the beginning of a song starts to play.

She's in the middle of an intense but strange conversation between Mercedes and Brittany, the two of them discussing the molecular volume of something that she wasn't paying attention to when she hears Blaine's voice call everyone in for a game of Concoctions. Not even being a third party to Brit and Mercedes conversations could stop Rachel form partaking in drinking games.

She scurries over to the island in the kitchen where everyone is sitting and flattens her skirt with her palms before placing herself atop Blaine's lap. He wraps his arms around her waist and gives her a sloppy, wet kiss on the cheek. "Who wants to bet money that Rachel's the first one to puke tonight?" He announces and there's an uproar of laughter before bills are being thrown around by everyone debating on who would puke first.

She playfully nudges Blaine, shaking her head slightly and when she looks up, she makes eye contact with Kurt who's giving her this "what-is-the-matter-with-you-all-of-a-sudden" look, which she ignores—the way she's been ignoring a lot of things tonight. "So am I rolling first then?"

"We should probably explain the game to the newbies, Rachel." Brittany chimes and Rachel's very much aware that newbies means Finn, his two friends and the handful of Kurt's vogue acquaintances, who're more than likely to just be watching anyways.

"It's simple." Kurt starts. "You roll the dice and whatever number you land on is the number of food you have to combine and then eat. So, if you roll a four then I'm going to creat the vile combination of something like—a Dorito dipped in mayonnaise with a chocolate covered sardine on top."

"And then if you don't eat it—" Blaine adds, drumming his fingers excitedly against the granite. "Which I wouldn't blame you, that sounds atrocious, Kurt. Then you drink."

"But if you do eat it then the other person who gave you the concoction has to drink instead." Santana says, finishing up the instructions. There's a general consensus that the rules are understood, seeing as it's a simple game and so Rachel claps her hands, motioning over to Brittany to pass her the dice.

She rolls a six.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me." Rachel says in between laughs but it quickly subsides when Finn is the one announcing that he's got a pretty gruesome idea.

"Go easy on the girl, Finny." Blaine warns jokingly, warranting an eye roll from Rachel.

"Just remember that I am in fact a vegetarian so if you try to concoct some sort of food mixture of anything coming from an animal you're automatically going to drink." She says, matter-of-factly.

Finn simply nods, a crooked smile appearing on his lips before he gets up out of his seat and makes his way over to the stainless steel refrigerator. Rachel watches as he grabs a jar of pickles, broccoli, a can of cheese (which Rachel cringes at, cheese should not be contained in cans, she's pretty sure that's a form of poison,) a banana, a clementine and a piece of chocolate cake that had been wrapped up in tinfoil.

"No way, I was going to eat that tomorrow!" Kurt argues, referring to the decadent piece of cake that Finn was now unwrapping. Finn ignores him though, muttering something about taking one for the team.

"You're not even trying Finn; all of those ingredients are relatively not so bad so you might as well get your shot glass ready." Rachel tells him confidently.

"Ah-ah-ah, don't get cocky on me Berry." And just like that, her facial expression drops to a frown as she watches him pull out a blender and dropping everything into it—the clementine unpeeled!

"That orange peel might as well be considered a seventh item and I rolled six!" She says indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest. No one takes her argument seriously though, all eyes over at Finn as they watch him blend everything together, turning it into this weird brown color that makes Rachel want to run for it. But she will not let Finn win, not in a million years. Winning is her thing and if she has to drink a glass of literal brown fluid in order to beat Finn Hudson at a drinking game, then she sure as hell will.

"What a waste of a perfectly good piece of cake." Kurt points out, shaking his head in pure disgust.

Finn has this disgustingly smug smile on his face as he walks over, the glass filled all the way to the top. "Drink up, Berry." He says, placing the glass right in front of her. "And I decided to make it easier for you—you only have to take two gulps of the thing and then we'll call it a day, if you can even manage that."

Rachel has to force down the bile that threatens to come up as she looks down at the concoction before her and she all of a sudden has this urge to beat Finn Hudson over the head with a stick or something. She's not even so sure why she's so riled up—it's a drinking game, it's not that serious but everyone is cheering her on, yelling over and over "chug, chug, chug, chug." Finn all the while, sitting back with his arms crossed behind his head basking in what he thinks is going to be some sort of glory win for him, but she's stronger than that and like she said, she's a winner.

So she tentatively at first, brings the glass up to her nose, cringing at the rancid smell of it before plugging her nose and—

"No plugging your nose Berry!" Santana insists and her eyes widen at the unfairness, these are not the rules of the game! All you have to do is eat whatever concoction is made for you and that's it, but as she looks around the room everyone's nodding and Rachel makes a mental note to make them pay for this later on in the game.

So then she goes for it, and yeah—it tastes awful and everyone is still cheering her on and she knows Finn said only two sips would suffice but she's suddenly basking in all the glory that is in beating Finn Hudson and so she goes overboard and drinks the whole thing, slamming the glass down onto the granite table so hard that it could have possibly shattered if she had been a little stronger.

When she looks around, everyone is staring at her in awe, but she can't seem to smile at them or even say "told you so" because all of a sudden there's an awful feeling in her stomach and she's pretty sure she's going to vomit everywhere. She can only somewhat register Finn congratulating her, doesn't really care too much that he's pouring himself two shots of fireball. She doesn't stick around to watch him drink the two shots that were respectfully his to take due to her win, instead—covering her mouth and making a run for Kurt and Blaine's bathroom.

"Do not puke on my marble tiles!" She vaguely hears Kurt yell as she empties her stomach into his surprisingly clean toilet bowl.

Someone's in the room with her a second later, pulling her hair out of her face and pushing her bangs back a bit. She knows there's really no use, that there's already vomit in her hair and she's already mortified more than she needs to be. She's wrong about the last part because once her vision clears and she's able to pull back to tell who she assumes is probably Kurt that she doesn't need any help, to leave her alone in peace, she's instead met with Finn's irritating guilty expression, who's kneeling down and scooping her hair up into his giant hands. She's more mortified than she thought she possibly ever could be—so she vomits again, and some more, until she pretty much is just dry heaving since nothing is left in her.

She's not sure how much time passes but she's worked up a solid layer of sweat at this point. When she pulls away to sit on the floor, she pushes Finn's hands away from her hair but refuses to look at him, or say thank you for that matter.

"Look, Berry—I'm sorry."

Rachel doesn't feel like taking part in a pity party at the moment so she looks up from the floor, plastering a fake smile on her face in order to convince him that he has no reason to feel so guilty and just leave her alone.

"You don't have to apologize. I didn't have to drink it—besides, it was mostly because of the wine anyways and I did drink the entire thing in one sitting so, really, it's my fault. I should've thought about it for a second and realized that my insides are too fragile for that kinda thing."

She can tell by Finn's clear as day expression of guilt masked by a weird, crooked smile thing that he's probably not going to stop apologizing or even leave her alone at this point, which means she's stuck in Kurt and Blaine's bathroom with Finn Hudson while there's remnants of vomit in her hair. "I have to take a shower." She tells him, her eyes darting over to the door in order to get the message across that she wants him to leave. She strongly believes that she's going about it in the most polite way she possibly can, and that's better than being blatantly rude, right?

"You can't get rid of me so easily, Berry." And he smiles again, that crooked one that's been on his face all night—and she realizes that's sort of his thing. "I think that we should like, talk."

Rachel's expecting him to say more, to elaborate and she's pretty sure that Finn's expecting her to jump in and say something too but she only just looks at him, not saying a word.

He takes Rachel's silence as means to continue, with what—she's not sure and even though she knew this conversation was inevitable, even though she knew that she was the one who told Kurt that she could do this, that she needed to talk to Finn and sort out the logistics, she really, really does not want to talk to him about this, not right now at least. "Kurt was telling me how you wanted to know some details—like how much rent is, maybe actually go see it before making any decisions. I just, feel like we should talk about it. You've been weird tonight and you're usually never really weird—around me, at least. Usually, you never even really notice—"

"I'm not being weird about it, Finn." She interrupts him, wanting nothing more than to walk out of the bathroom and leave him alone. "I'm just, hesitant. Under other circumstances, I know what I want and I'm good at getting what I want and I never hesitate or doubt myself. I'm not really sure if I want to live with you, or with anyone. I just… haven't made up my mind yet."

Finn looks at her like he's thinking very hard about something, his eyebrows are scrunched up and there's these two little wrinkles in his forehead that Rachel wants to reach forward to smooth out. "Okay." He says suddenly, interrupting her inner dialogue. "Let me just—give you what you need, okay? Rent is relatively cheap because it's a loft in Bushwick and it's two bedrooms and there's this really cool bathroom that has two sinks and two mirrors so you don't have to share with me. I can have the smaller room if you want because it's not really that much smaller and I also don't have a lot of stuff, just like—my drum kit. My mom bought me this really nice fridge and there's also some appliances that come with the apartment itself and the subway is right around the corner and I know for a fact that the J train will take you literally right outside of NYADA so you don't have to worry about that and…" Finn trails off, pausing, presumably to think again while Rachel is just kind of looking at him in awe due to all of the information he just spewed out. "And—and yeah. That's it. If it matters, I'm also relatively okay to live with. My roommate in college didn't totally hate me and then my ex-girlfriend kind of hated me but that was, well just because. I promise I won't like, objectify you or anything and make you clean up after me or cook for me or… whatever. I just, you're doing me a favor, Rachel and you don't have to make a decision right now but, I figured that you should know that."

Finn's looking at her like she holds all of the answers in the world but Rachel's problem right now is that she's physically speechless. He's given her exactly what she had told Kurt she wanted—no, needed and he did it in a persuasive way that makes her think if she actually did turn him down, she would be the most moronic human for doing such a thing. So she opts for the easy answer. "I—it all sounds great, Finn really. It does. I just think maybe, I need to see it first, get a feel of it."

"Okay, fair enough so, let's go."

"What? Go now? This is a party—for you, we can't just leave."

"Why not?" Finn argues, his hand going to the back of his neck to rub somewhat boyishly at the spot there. "All I have to do is thank Kurt, compliment him on that new painting that's hanging up in the living room and then explain that we're gonna go check out the apartment and he won't even care, like at all. Piece of cake."

Rachel has to smile at this and it's not like it's necessarily a terrible idea, not really. Everyone's having fun and sure, maybe she'd like to quickly shower and get the vomit out of hair but she can do that tomorrow, she's past the point of caring about how she looks right now. Plus, she desperately needs to get out of Kurt's care. He's overbearing sometimes, even if she does appreciate everything that he's been doing for her.

"Alright." She simply tells him. "I want to brush my teeth first, though."

Finn nods, a wider smile lighting up his face this time around. "Cool, I'll go tell Kurt we're leaving."

"Cool." She says in response.

He leaves a second later and she gets up from the floor, feeling hungry more than anything else—reasonable, considering the circumstances. She quickly brushes her teeth and runs a comb through her hair to make herself somewhat presentable before exiting the bathroom to go find Finn.

There's not much explaining to be done, only some questions particularly from Santana and Blaine asking if everything was okay, but other than that, they leave rather abruptly and take the subway to Bushwick.

* * *

Rachel's first impression of the place is that the neighborhood is a little scary so she makes a mental note to unpack that pepper spray her dads gave her freshman year and attach it to her keychain just in case. The building itself though was particularly beautiful and had central air which was going to be Rachel's safety blanket in a month like this one currently.

The pair took the elevator up to the third floor and stepped off into a long hallway that had a lovely looking plant at the end, right before reaching a large door that you had to pull in order to get into.

Rachel really didn't know what she was expecting, she didn't necessarily have high standards to begin with, but even if she did it wasn't like the apartment was going to let her down very much. It was nice and a decent size for a two bedroom apartment. She and Finn hadn't really said much to each other on the way there, just basic small talk like how NYADA was going and what Finn was expecting out of his new job. The subway was crowded as per usual on a late Saturday night so they mostly sat in silence, watching the passengers and the few odd drunk kids coming here and there, (it was somewhat reassuring for Rachel, that the area was mostly populated with young, college students—made it all the more comfortable to know that she would be taking the train with hung-over college kids rather than creepy old men.)

"So, what do you think?" Finn asks, momentarily catching her off guard. There's not much to it, really. There's a room in the center with two decent size windows that could be pushed out easily for air and such, a mattress placed in the middle of the room that Rachel assumes is Finn's temporarily, while he gets the apartment together, at least. There's also a large plasma TV sitting in the room and Rachel can't help but let her imagination run wild and picture a white plush couch that would wrap around the center of the room—maybe a little table in the corner with a green plant in the middle and some sun shining through the windows on a nice summery day.

The image makes it all the more perfect—it's a place that she can make a home out of, put little simple touches of her own here and there. When she turns the corner, there's a large piece of furniture that splits the two rooms, the living room that she had previously been in and the kitchen. The furniture somewhat resembles a bookcase of sorts but is large enough to put other items on it as well which makes Rachel excited about the versatility of the place. The kitchen is quaint but very cute with a granite island smack dab in the middle and the refrigerator Finn had told her about was in the corner next to the long countertop with what looked like mahogany cabinets underlying the bottom of it.

There's an oven and a microwave attached to the grey stone wall and she has to stop and think about just how much she really likes the place. "It's—it's really great, Finn. I can tell Kurt helped you out a lot when picking it."

Finn gives her a sheepish smile, like he's been caught. "Well, I really couldn't have done the whole moving thing without him since I know nothing about this city but yeah, I'm just kinda relieved that you don't totally hate it."

"How could I hate it, it's like a dream loft. It definitely needs some Rachel Berry touches and I've got a lot of furniture from my last place and—" she stops suddenly, realizing that she had been worried about what Finn would think about her being y'know, couch hopping and such. He hadn't brought it up yet and Rachel assumed it was just a matter of time before he asked what her deal was.

Almost on cue, as if Finn had been reading her mind, he clears his throat, pulling his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger. "We don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to." He reassures her. "I mean, I have my obvious assumptions why you're living on Kurt's couch but he said it was complicated and I don't like to be like… uh, invasive or whatever."

"It is complicated." She confirms, having an inner argument with herself whether she really needs to explain it to Finn, someone who she considers a stranger. "And a long story that kind of always results in a pity party and I don't really feel like subjecting either of us to that tonight. I've already puked up every meal I've had today."

He visibly cringes, before sitting upright like he just realized something. "Are you hungry?" He asks, walking over to the huge stainless steel fridge and sorting through it while still managing to converse with her. "One of the first things I did before I really… well did anything else was stock the fridge and I figured you'd at least come by and Kurt mentioned you were a vegetarian so I got these weird tofu burger things from the market down the street so—" He pops his head out from the fridge to look at her before continuing. "Would that interest you?"

Rachel smiles and nods her head. That was nice of him, she thinks, and maybe he really won't be such a terrible person to live with.

Finn makes her the tofu burger and puts it on probably the only plate in the loft before placing it down in front of her. She's finished half of it when he brings it up again.

"You don't have to explain yourself, y'know. I was serious, I don't need to know why or how or when you decided to stay with Kurt, I just need to know if you're gonna take up my offer. I really only genuinely care about that, like I said, you're helping me out just as much as I'm helping you, maybe even more."

"It's a story for another time." She tells him, taking another bite from the burger. "And yes—by the way, I think I'd be stupid if I said no to this."

Finn smiles, running a hand through his short brown hair. "Then it's settled. You're moving in."

Rachel simply nods, feeling somewhat relieved, like a huge weight that had been getting heavier and heavier the past few months had just been lifted off from her shoulders. "I'm moving in."


	2. an encounter

a/n: hello again! i wrote this chapter pretty quick which is really surprising but my muse has been really high so i'm very happy about it! i just wanted to say a few things before starting this chapter off so here we go:

the gist of this story involves a lot of back and forth—are they friends are they not friends are they more than friends, etc., etc. while i've made it clear that it's going to be a story about unrequited feelings, i wanted you guys to know that that doesn't necessarily mean it's going to end in a sad way! for the first few chapters i'm going to be focusing on the details of finn and rachel's _friendship_ because i think that's important, it's something that glee lacked, and in this story their friendship is going to be their foundation when it comes to their relationship evolving into something more than strictly just friends.

with that in mind—i had a few questions for you guys to think about regarding this story: i've had it in my head that this was going to be a story focused mostly in rachel's point of view but i was wondering if you guys would like it if maybe i did some chapters in finn's point of view as well? let me know what you think and enjoy!

quick edit: this is a finchel story guys! so don't worry-it's about finn and rachel, it's about doing cute things together, being friends, being more than that and there's gonna be loads of drama in between. i love finchel and i've truly always believed that they were/are perfect for each other so if that helps in regards to how you think this story is going to pan out, so be it! i apologize for the super long a/n, as always-let me know what you think, constructive criticism is encouraged!

* * *

Rachel had accidentally fallen asleep on Finn's mattress the night that she had first seen the apartment. She doesn't recall very much, her mind fuzzy with sleep, but what she does remember is a long conversation occurring between the two about how different New York was from Ohio—a very obvious insinuation to be made. It was a refreshing conversation though—Finn reminded her of home and everything that Lima was, leaving her feeling somewhat nostalgic the morning that she woke up.

The first thing that she noticed was just how nice it was to see the sunlight streaming through the two large windows in the living room, something that she had pictured in her mind when she first set her sights on them. The view was—well it wasn't much of a view at all considering the fact it was a Bushwick loft, but she could see the clear blue skies and that was all Rachel really needed. Once she was finally starting to really wake up and take in her surroundings, she noticed that she was wrapped up in multiple blankets that hadn't been there when she fell asleep and then, her eyes fell to the body that was sleeping a few feet from her on the floor. She makes a mental note to thank Finn later for being chivalrous and sacrificing his comfort for her, but the only thing that she cared about in that moment was getting back to Kurt's to take that shower that she so desperately needed. So she left Finn's, (well now, their) apartment as quietly as she could so she didn't wake him and took the subway back to Soho.

When she returned to Kurt's, he was already awake and making Blaine breakfast—she took the time to tell him all about how nice the loft was and how Finn had managed to assuage all of her doubts. It was a perfect opportunity and she didn't want to waste any more time on thinking about the move, she just needed it to happen. After breakfast (and a well needed shower on Rachel's part) they gathered the troops—meaning Kurt, Blaine, Brit, Santana and Mercedes and got a U-Haul, taking all of Rachel's things up to the loft in Bushwick. Kurt had notified Jesse a little earlier that day by sending him a strongly worded email that they were going to collect all of her furniture and important items that she had left in their previous shared apartment and move it into Rachel's new home. He simply emailed Kurt back with a curt 'Fine' and managed to be a decent human being for once by staying away from the apartment during the allotted time Kurt and the crew would be visiting. For safety measures, Rachel didn't actually go up to the apartment until she got the 'all clear' text from Kurt. Once she did though, she was up there quickly gathering all of her possessions while Mercedes stood outside to make sure Jesse didn't come up.

Rachel was just relieved that she didn't need to cross paths with the guy, that her friends had her back. She wasn't ready for any interaction with him; it was far too soon for that, even the thought made her a little queasy.

Regardless, they managed to move everything in—with mostly Finn doing all of the work. But that was that. Finn and Rachel both compromised on certain aspects of the loft, parts of it managed to be very Rachel-esque and other parts very Finn-like. It wounded up being good combination, thus marking the end of a month long problem.

* * *

As weeks pass, Rachel comes to realize that living with Finn is very simple—but it's not like she's ever really around much to make it _hard_. With her nannying job and summer internship as a teaching assistant for ballet at NYADA, her schedule seemed to always be full. The only time she really saw Finn was on Sunday's and he was too busy watching a football game to really pay attention to her (on those days she mostly just relaxed in her room with a good book and cup of tea—only coming out to eat meals.)

She's on her way to Kurt and Blaine's after a long week that didn't really offer her any breaks with the two girls she nannies for holding both of her hands as they walked up to the Soho apartment.

"Rachie, is Blaine home today?" Scout, the younger one of the two asks. The little girl had just turned four years old about a week ago and she was still wearing her pink 'Birthday Girl' pin that was attached to her yellow cotton sundress.

"I'm not sure, angel. We'll see when we get there."

"Will you let me press the button, please?" Magnolia asks, reaching her arm up with a sickeningly sweet smile on her face. "I can reach it now—since I'm eight years old, mom says I can do grown up things just like her."

Magnolia was only a few years older than her younger sister Scout, leaving her at the age of seven. She was just as cute just with a little more of an attitude. But Rachel adored the two girls nonetheless and whenever Rachel had the opportunity to go to Blaine and Kurt's, she made sure the two girls tagged along with her.

"Mommy says I can do grown up things too—I wanna press the button." Scout interjects and Rachel can't help but smile as the two little ones bicker over who's going to press the button, even when they are hindering her slightly.

"We're gonna let Mags ring it first, okay. But when Kurt asks who's here you can be the one to tell him it's us, sound good?" She tells them, more than asks them, looking at Scout directly to make sure the younger one understands her loud and clear.

The younger girl looks at her older sister and then back at Rachel before nodding her head in agreement. Rachel smiles and tells Magnolia she can press the button and just as she knew he would, Kurt rings them in—both girls getting what they want.

The first thing Scout does when they get up to the apartment is ask Kurt where Blaine is, when her question is answered by Blaine's sudden presence, she runs into his arms like she hadn't just seen him two days before (which she had, Scout's favorite person in the world besides her mother was Blaine Anderson, and what kind of nanny would Rachel be if she refused the girl the pure joy she got whenever in his presence.)

Blaine clears his throat after picking Scout up from the floor, his eyes focused on Magnolia who was still holding onto Rachel's hand. "Magnolia, you've never walked into this house without giving me a hug—what's changed? Hmm?"

Mags looks up at Rachel, her eyes wide as if she's waiting for Rachel's permission. She lets go of the girls hand and smiles, Magnolia immediately running towards Blaine and clutching onto his leg. "How about a game of twister? Sound good?" The two girls squeal in excitement at his suggestion, Magnolia sprinting down the hall and Rachel quickly gets Blaine's attention so she can mouth a Thank You to him as he successfully takes them off her hands for a bit.

"Did you give Finn the subway pass that I so kindly procured for him?" Kurt asks Rachel as they head over to the kitchen and sit at the island.

"I did, yes. He also told me to tell you that you're a great step-brother for doing that and he thanks you." She offers, knowing fully well that Finn didn't actually say that—at least not along those lines but she figures that it wouldn't hurt and that Kurt would appreciate the sentiment regardless.

"Well I'm not so sure why he needs a subway pass anyways since I have it on good authority that he has no idea what the subway even is." Kurt huffs, rolling his eyes.

"That's not true, I went on the subway with him once—he seemed like he got the gist."

"Once." Kurt reiterates, his gaze coming down on her in a harsher way than it had when she had entered just a few minutes ago. "I've actually been meaning to talk to you about this but—" he pauses, like he's trying to decide if he should carry his sentence on or stop right there. Apparently he goes for the former "do you even talk to the guy? I mean—for Christ sake, Rachel, you live with Finn and yet all he does is talk about how bored he is and how weird the city is. He's been here for _three weeks_! Three whole weeks and when I asked him where Bryant Park was, do you know what he said?"

Rachel's not sure if his question is rhetorical or not so just to be safe, she simply raises her eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. "He said, and I quote; 'near The Statue of Liberty… or something.' _The Statue of Liberty_ , Rachel! Do you know how ridiculous that is?"

"I mean, it is a little on the ridiculous side since Lady Liberty is in water and—well, we all know Finn's not exactly the brightest of the bunch and—"

"No, no, Rachel." Kurt says, interrupting her. Her eyes widen just a little at how passionate he seems about this but Kurt's always been like that with Finn, brotherly love and all. "You know, Finn was dumb in high school, I can admit that. He was as dumb as a hammer—or whatever that saying is. But he got an education and he's been teaching for a while now, he grew up! He's not that idiot quarterback that thought he knocked up Quinn Fabray via ejaculation in a hot tub or used to slushy us back in high school. He's a lot smarter now—he just never leaves the damn loft and I can't believe you've been so wrapped up in yourself the past few weeks that you haven't even—"

"Excuse me I have been extremely nice to him and nothing but a wonderful room—"

"Let me finish." Kurt warns, his glare so sharp that it makes her shut up immediately. "He barely leaves the loft and when he does, he gets lost so then he gives up and hibernates some more. I know that you're not Finn's mother nor are you responsible for him but I thought the least you could do was maybe show him around—be a good roommate. That's all."

"All you had to do was ask me to give him a mini tour of the city, Kurt and I would've. I've just been busy and whenever I ask him about his day he usually always says it was great or that he spent time with you so I figured he was fine!" It's not a lie either, but if Rachel is being completely honest, she hasn't been giving much thought to Finn. She considers them to be these two kindred spirits who simply share a living space and go on about their days in peace.

"All I'm asking is maybe consider being his _friend_. He could use some and I'm pretty sure he's tired of discussing Vogue arrangements, or what Pantone swatch would complement the living room if I were to get new curtains. Maybe just go take a ride with him on the subway, show him the train route that he needs to take to get to Loyola so he's not completely lost on his way to work every day—I don't know. He's just suffocating me, Rachel and I feel bad for the guy. I don't want him to hate it here especially since I spent so much time talking up the place and telling him how great it was going to be having him around."

Rachel feels extremely guilty all of a sudden and so she's nodding her head before she even really considers anything else. "I can do that." She reassures Kurt, looking down at her folded hands in her lap. "I've got a busy day tomorrow, ballet at nine for two hours and then the girls for the rest of the day but I could take him out on Saturday. Ballet's still at nine but Mags and Scout get their mom so I'll be free to do whatever." Rachel smiles softly, making mental notes in her head and reminding herself to really sit down and map out her schedule to make sure this is going to work, and maybe make some free time for herself in the weeks to come. She's confident that it will all be fine and work out just the way it should. She reaches over and takes her best friends hand into hers, making sure that he realizes how bad she feels. "I'm so sorry, Kurt—really. I know how important it is to you that Finn's here now. I've just been throwing myself into as much as I possibly can because it's better than thinking about—well, _him_." (Jesse, she thinks and she wonders how it's gotten to this point where she can't even say his name out loud)—"and well, I'll make sure he knows that he's got a friend in me. I promise."

Kurt looks at her sternly, his face strictly serious for a second before a smile breaks across it. "Pinky promise."

Rachel smiles back just as wide. "Pinky promise." She repeats back, and they both wrap their pinkies together and kiss the outside of their own hands just as they've always done since high school.

"Now go get those two rascals away from my man and take them to the park or something." Kurt jokes, nudging her playfully before she calls out to the two girls that it's time to leave, a chorus of "No's" "Not yet's" and drawn out "Boo's" coming from the three of them.

* * *

The Saturday morning that Rachel had planned to show Finn around the city was a pleasantly cool one—surprisingly, considering that it was the second week of July and the days had been even stickier and unbearably sweltering than usual. Her ballet class had been a vigorous one; she had taken the reigns that morning since the actual teacher was out sick. Today though, the girls and boys had been particularly petty. A room filled with young sixteen year olds coming into their adolescence was difficult enough to begin with, but during a modern rendition of Minkus', _La Bayadere_ , Rachel had to break apart a physical interaction between two girls who had been fighting over the same boy and whatever nostalgia she might have had for high school quickly evaporated in that room.

She left the studio a mess, her hair frazzled and sticking up in all kinds of places and her mood in the gutter. When she got back to the apartment—Finn nowhere in sight, she opted for a quick shower to wash off the teen angst that had been dropped on her and made herself as presentable as she could manage.

She knocked on Finn's bedroom door shortly afterwards, hearing a groan and some muffled noises going on before Finn opened the door and Rachel was yet again face to face with his chest, bare—his bare chest. Tilting her head upwards in order to make eye contact with the oaf—she smiled softly. "Were you sleeping?" She asks, ducking her head around his frame in order to see that his bed was in fact, not made, and room horrendously messy.

"Well, I mean—I was drifting here and there." He answers sheepishly, his hand going to the back of his neck to rub at the spot there, a motion that Rachel had witnessed many times over the few encounters she's had with Finn.

"It's twelve, Finn." She points out, pulling out her phone and showing it to him for solid proof. "You've wasted half of the day already."

He shrugs in response, still standing, shirtless at his doorframe. "Well don't just stand there! Go get dressed, I'm taking you out."

Finn looks at her as if she's just grown two heads but she really doesn't understand his confusion with the matter, especially since she's put it very plain and simply. For a second Rachel has to question what Kurt said about Finn not being that same idiot quarterback that she so vividly remembers him being in high school. Right now, she thought, he seemed like a very dim witted boy.

Seeing as he doesn't move, she lets out a long, exasperated exhale, her hands moving to her hips. "I don't have all day, Finn. I am a very busy person. Get dressed; wear sensible shoes because we'll be walking a lot. We're taking the subway to make sure you know your routes and then I was thinking I'll bring you to the Empire State Building. It's a little windy which means there'll be a few less people out today so it's somewhat ideal."

Rachel doesn't give him a chance to respond, instead, strutting away from his bedroom in order to go and make herself a to-go mug of coffee—lord knows that she's going to need it.

* * *

"So you're gonna take the J train first and that's gonna always take you to Little Italy—but you always have to pay attention on the ride there because it's a quick stop and once the doors close you're stuck until Bowey Street, aka China Town. Once you're there though you're gonna—" Rachel pauses mid-sentence to look up at Finn, watching as he dazes off, his attention focused on everything except for her. "Finn—are you even paying attention to anything that I'm saying."

"Huh?" He finally looks down at her, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion before he perks up a little and adjusts his posture. "Uh, yeah—I gotta take the F Train or something."

"The J—ugh, god. Pay attention, I'm not the one who's gonna be going to work like this every morning, you need to know this otherwise you're never going to teach anyone at this rate."

"Okay, okay—geez. Sorry, Berry." He shrugs, giving her a lopsided smile before somewhat aggressively throwing his arm around her. It's a little awkward considering their height difference but she knows it would be rude to shrug him off so she lets it slide—only because she knows Kurt really wants them to be friends and she can't really deny him that simple request.

Rachel repeats what she had been explaining to him before, making sure he's actually paying attention this time and once she gets around to explaining how he needs to switch trains to the 4 and 5 express line, they're already maneuvering their way onto the crowded subway, attempting to find a seat but failing miserably. Due to Finn's stature and length of his arms he's able to grip onto the handles that are attached to the very top of the train. Seeing that everyone has occupied a pole and there are no seats for the much smaller girl, she begrudgingly holds onto Finn's bicep, looking at his facial expression to see if there's any protest there and when there's not, she keeps her hand there, trying very hard not to jolt forward every time the train accelerates or stops.

Roughly fifteen minutes go by and the train comes to an abrupt stop, practically throwing Rachel off of her feet. If it hadn't been for Finn's arm coming around and circling her waist—she probably would've fallen face first. Eyes wide, she looks up at Finn whose hand is still gripping her hip and gives him a curt 'Thank you.' She expects him to move his arm since the train was steady once again but instead he keeps it there until a few more minutes pass and they're being notified that this is the Little Italy stop. She tugs on his arm to let him know it's their time to get off and only checks once behind her to make sure Finn is in tow.

Once her feet are on solid ground again, she lets out a breath of relief, only noticing that Finn's with her when she hears his voice. "Where to now, tour guide?" He asks and Rachel has to force back an eye roll, reminding herself that she's trying to be friendly and not off-putting. It's just a challenge, Finn seems like a great person but frankly, this is a waste of her time. She doesn't say this, of course—but she's definitely feeling some resentment towards him. It's very subtle though, she'll swear to it.

"Well," she starts, her eyes roaming around the bustling train stop as she begins to walk to the stairs that will lead them out of there. "I figured we have two options—we can continue our trek to Loyola or…" she pauses when they've reached the top of the stairs and are faced with red, white and green colors everywhere, telling them both exactly where they are, no questions about it. "Or we can walk around Little Italy for a bit; maybe get some gelato or something. Your choice though."

"I have no idea what a gelato is but I'm in."

Rachel finds it easy to ignore him/not take anything he say's seriously at all. She begins leading the way to her favorite Italian ice cream shop that she and Kurt have gone to quite regularly since their freshman year of college, feeling his presence beside her that tells her he's in fact, still with her and keeping up. They get there in the matter of minutes and she's telling Finn to pick out two flavors while she goes and pays for them. Finn protests for a second, pulling his wallet out but she simply brushes him off, explaining "what are friends for other than to buy each other Italian ice cream." It managed to shut him up for a while as the two of them licked respectively at their cones in silence.

It was probably the worst thing that could happen at that moment. One second she was peacefully minding her own business and having a relatively normal day then out of nowhere, she's forced to watch Jesse St. James, in the flesh, walk into (conveniently) the same exact Little Italy gelato shop that she was in.

A million different scenarios rush into Rachel's head and it feels like she's reliving the entire night all over again. The blonde girl underneath her fiancé, Jesse smelling of sex, glass from the champagne bottle that Rachel dropped shattered all around her.

She feels like she's going to pass out or maybe throw up—she's not sure but she can vaguely hear Finn asking if she's alright somewhere and she's standing up before her body is really registering it, telling Finn—or maybe even herself that she needs to leave. But before she can go anywhere, Jesse's there—in front of her and she doesn't know what to do. Instead, she just stands there and lets him gently put his hand on her elbow.

"Rachel, it's so nice to see you. It's been so long and—and well I was hoping that maybe I'd run into you somewhere so that we could talk. I mean, considering that you don't answer any of my texts or calls… or voicemails."

His voice makes her feel physically ill, it's laced with regret and guilt and—and she's pretty sure he's subtly making himself the victim in the situation. She hates him—hates that this is happening and it's not even because she really does actually hate him. If she's being honest, it's because she feels the opposite about him. She _misses_ this, misses everything about him, misses his touch and his lips and his soft brunette tendrils under the pads of her fingers. She's going to cry; if she doesn't get out of there she just knows she's going to cry, full on sob. So she pushes his hand off of her elbow, swallowing hard. "I have nothing to say to you."

"Please Rachel; just hear me out, okay? I've never been able to apologize properly and all I want to do is have a conversation about it, that's all. I love you, Rachel. I miss you and I love you and I just want to—"

"I don't want to talk to you." Rachel says, her voice shaky and her eyes glued to the floor, roaming around so that they would look at anything but him.

"Rachel, please—"

"She said she doesn't want to talk to you, dude." Finn steps in, nudging Jesse away gently and in a very non-aggressive way with his forearm. "Leave it alone."

"Who's this?" Jesse asks, his gaze falling directly to Rachel. She doesn't respond, continuing to look at the floor and occasionally up at Finn.

"Listen, man—"

"No you listen to me, Lumps the Clown." Jesse interjects, cutting Finn off. Rachel looks up at Finn, his face contorting into one of confusion at Jesse's lame attempt at an insult. "That is my fiancée and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let an orca get in the way of—"

"I am _not_ your fiancée." Rachel puts simply, her voice steady this time. "You lost your fiancée when you decided to—to _fuck_ another girl behind my back. I wish I wasn't here right now because simply being around you makes me physically sick to my stomach. I want nothing to do with you; I can't be in the same room as you let alone even look at you. So next time you see me in public, do us both a favor and don't approach me." Rachel lets out a deep breath, mumbling a 'let's go, Finn,' before turning on her heels and exiting the establishment that has now been tainted due to her horrible taste in men. She doesn't look back either, doesn't even stick around to see if her words had any impact on him at all and she's proud of herself—at least in that respect.

Time passes as Rachel's fast walk away from Jesse gradually turns into one that is more mopey—something that she swore she wouldn't do. It's been nothing but static silence between her and Finn as they simply just walk side by side, something that she doesn't know if she's content with or if it makes her slightly uncomfortable. In retrospect, it doesn't matter because just as soon as she thinks of it, the silence is broken by Finn.

"Are you alright Rachel?"

"I'm fine." She lies, exhaling quietly.

"Are you sure? Because whatever that was, it didn't sound very—"

"I am fine, Finn!" She stops abruptly in the middle of the bustling sidewalk, turning to him while letting people pass by her and groan at her to get out of the way. "I am. I'm just… I'm fine." She's not though, she knows it and Finn knows it and all of a sudden, she's crying. It's not even the subtle cry either, the one that Rachel is famous for. She wishes it could be just tears rolling down her face while her nose just gets a little bigger and redder than usual. Instead, she's wailing—tears are streaming down her face, she's being loud, sobs escaping her swollen lips and she's pretty sure that if Finn hadn't wrapped her up in his arms, she would've collapsed on the disgusting, germ ridden New York street.

They stay like this for a while, Rachel isn't exactly sure how long or how much time passes by but her crying doesn't ever really subside either. A good chunk of time must go by, at least enough time to make Finn feel impatient with her because after a while he starts nudging her away from his body and gripping onto her shoulders, rubbing them as if it was winter and she was cold or something. "Rachel, Rachel—listen you've gotta stop."

She hears him, she knows that he's right too, this is too much—she can't be on the street just crying for hours. It's almost like she's having a panic attack of sorts, her breathing is everywhere and she can't stop sobbing like a lunatic and Finn must think she's absolutely bat shit crazy. Yet, he's still holding onto her, shushing her, telling her to calm down. He puts his two fingers underneath her chin, tilting it upwards so that she's forced to look at him, even through blurry tear ridden eyesight. He even brushes her tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "You have to listen to me, Berry. You're better than this. You're Rachel freaking Berry for Christ sake, no guy in the world should make you feel like this—you hear me?"

She sniffles a little, her tears finally subsiding at his words while her face manages to still be scrunched up in what seems like a permanent frown. She knows that her nose is probably the size of her face but she's trying not to focus on that, instead trying to hear Finn out, hoping that maybe it will help somehow.

"Look, Berry… if anyone's gonna cheat on _you_ then he's a real moron. Like, you're a triple threat—talented, cute, and…like, really cool and stuff so ultimately, it's his loss. You've gotta remember that. Whoever that guy is, he's not worth getting this upset over. He's stupid; I don't think there's anything in his brain, probably just air and like, hair product."

Rachel can't help but let out a laugh, a very brief one but a laugh nonetheless. Finn wipes up the remainder of her tears with his thumbs and she's finally starting to re-coop now. She notices the wet spot she left on his shirt and she suddenly goes into apologetic mode. "I'm really sorry, Finn. For your shirt and… well for everything. I didn't think this was going to happen and I haven't seen him for two months and—"

"It's fine Rachel. I can wash the shirt, it's no big deal."

Rachel smiles, leaning up on her toes in order to wrap her arms around Finn's neck to lock him up into a super tight hug. "Thank you."

"What are friends for, right?"

* * *

The subway ride to the school Finn is to teach at the end of August, Loyola, is anything but silent. She explains the whole Jesse situation to him, feeling it necessary at this point. Rachel had been extremely adamant on keeping that story from Finn but after she had put him through all of well, her wailing, she felt like the least she could do was at least give him an explanation. It proved to be perfectly fine too, Finn only really making comments on how moronic Jesse was, even going so far as to call him scum of the earth which Rachel appreciated, more than Finn realized.

"I'm really sorry that happened to you, Rachel. It sucks; you deserve worlds better than that garbage."

"It is what it is, I guess. Things happen."

"Yeah, but for the record—if he ever tries anything like what he pulled back there again, I'm gonna knock him out cold."

With a smile from the both of them, that was the end of _the conversation_ and everything felt as it should.

After Rachel makes sure Finn knows his route to the school, asking him multiple times if he's positive he's got it through his head, even quizzing him, they head to the Empire State Building. Rachel firmly believes it's one of the most important parts of New York and no real New Yorker hasn't been to the Empire State Building. Rachel had gone with her mother, (well surrogate, if you want to get technical.) Shelby had been the person to really welcome Rachel to New York, they went to every tourist attraction they could—most importantly, Broadway. Rachel just wanted to make sure she was able to pass on all of her knowledge of tourist attractions that Shelby gave her and Finn was the perfect person for that. It was safe to say that Rachel's mindset regarding Finn had changed drastically to what it had previously been earlier in the day.

Finn and Rachel waited in what felt like the longest line ever (Rachel was just really impatient) but by the time they made it all the way up, it was worth it. Finn seemed happy, but then again, he seemed happy a good chunk of the time. Maybe content was the better word for it.

Rachel even inserted a few quarters into the sight-seeing machines that were placed on every corner of The Empire State Building. Usually, she was against putting her face near anything that other people had their faces pressed against, but when she propositioned the idea to Finn, he seemed rather excited about it so she let the little germ aspect slide.

It was nice seeing that Ohio innocence that Finn had get somewhat corrupted by the beauty of New York. She could see it in his eyes how differently he was seeing everything now, how bigger and better New York was compared to little old Lima, Ohio. Don't get Rachel wrong, Lima was an important part of her—without Lima, she wouldn't be where she was now. New York City was her home though and she felt that as time passed, it could become Finn's too. Or at least, she hoped considering that she was actually starting to like this whole friendship thing the two of them had going on.

The only real setback was that Rachel was feeling pretty spectacularly embarrassed about literally breaking down in front of Finn. She felt like an idiot, like it had dampened the mood of the day (even though it really hadn't, it actually probably helped them in terms of how their day panned out) and she wanted to make it up to him somehow. On their way back to their shared apartment in Bushwick, she made another proposition that she felt like he couldn't nor really would want to refuse.

"What's your stance on like—bars, Finn?" She asks him as they're getting off the subway.

"If there's alcohol, I'm there." He responds, that rather famous lopsided smile of his gracing his features.

"A bar typically has alcohol, so—there would be plenty of that."

"Cool."

Rachel looks at him, a little confused because she hasn't really finished her proposition and yet he seems all too eager to agree. "What? No plans?" She asks, raising her eyebrows in suspicion.

Finn shrugs, "if you haven't noticed, I don't really have friends here. I mean, Santana's great but usually when I do stuff with her and Brit, I always get subjected to sitting there while they make out and it got really boring after the first like, thirty times it happened."

Rachel chokes out an abrupt laugh but stops herself when she sees that Finn's actually very serious. "That was high school, Finn."

"Happened after high school too. At Christmas, and Thanksgiving and whenever they both came to visit. So like, every holiday imaginable."

"Okay, fair enough. What about Sam?"

"Sam's in Milan."

"I know but Blaine told me he's supposed to be back soon, beginning of August, I think." Rachel pointed out hopefully.

"Yeah… I don't know; guess I've just feeling a little… kept to myself lately." Finn shrugged but there wasn't that usual boyish nature to it—it was somewhat duller. Rachel was suddenly struck with the realization of what Kurt had been telling her earlier. This was all brand new territory for him and it wasn't like Noah Puckerman was around New York to be all bro's with quarterback Finn Hudson. It just made Rachel realize how significant this new founded friendship with Finn was. He only had a handful of people in this city and Rachel wanted to make sure that she was one of them for the long run.

"Look—I want to make it up to you. I know this day wasn't exactly ideal." Rachel started, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. Finn begins to protest but she stops him before he can get any further. "I was thinking we could go to this place called Bootlegs, it's just a little ten minute subway ride and there's a jukebox and karaoke and—well basically it's my favorite bar in the whole world. The whole crew usually loves coming with me along with like a good chunk of NYADA's student body. There's this event they're doing too—wear something red to support the NYADA film club production of _The Red Balloon_ —you get like three free drinks if you do. I figured it could be fun, if it interests you."

Finn smiles, nodding pretty enthusiastically. "Seems fun." He puts simply.

"Then it's settled. This Thursday night, sound good?"

"Yeah, works for me."

And thus marked the blueprints for a rather interesting night.

* * *

Thursday night rolled around rather quickly—between nannying two rambunctious little girls and her ballet class, Rachel didn't really have time to even take a breath. She knew that she was wearing herself thin; everyone continued to remind her of that—Kurt even had given Shelby and her dads a call to try to convince Rachel that maybe taking more than one day off a week would benefit her. She told Shelby and her two fathers the same thing she told Kurt—she was fine, all of the work she was doing was helping her, she felt more motivated than ever. It also didn't hurt when she told them that she was planning on going to Bootlegs with Finn, Santana, Brit and Blaine. (Kurt and Mercedes had prior engagements—Kurt had a huge photo-shoot over at Vogue, meaning he was designing over twenty-five outfits for his models and Mercedes promised her producer she would sit down with him and talk about album booklets.)

Although Rachel had been busy with her jam packed schedule, the newly found friendship with Finn was proving to be very beneficial and the aura of their living arrangements had changed for the better. Rachel actually noticed him this time around and being friends actually helped them live in a very functional way. She'd often wake up some mornings to breakfast made by Finn, and they'd quickly discuss plans for the day which usually involved Rachel talking away for a few minutes since Finn usually opted to stay in the apartment. Some days he'd surprise her though, telling her that he'd gone exploring around the city and that the Statue of Liberty in fact was just a ferry ride away. Rachel was feeling so much better about Finn too, she didn't have any insecurities regarding the Jesse situation (the cat was let out of the bag at that point) and he was, for lack of a better word, fun to be around.

Their mornings usually were always intertwined—since Finn claimed he was an early riser. Often, she'd be brushing her teeth while he was in the shower or he'd be watching Friday Night Lights late at night and she'd join him just for kicks. They talked quite a lot as well, Finn often found himself bored during the day and would text Rachel the most random things that branched off into thorough conversations. She still did her job though; Finn was merely a second thought to her daily routine. In fact, she figured that one could probably say he was slowly becoming _a part_ of her daily regime.

She was just glad that Kurt had opened her eyes for her because things had been working out rather perfectly.

Thursday night, she had successfully put Magnolia and Scout to bed by nine and Jillian (their mother) came home a little afterwards, praising Rachel as always before relieving her of her duties. From there, she went straight to Blaine and Kurt's (she had dropped off her bag of clothes and makeup to prepare her for tonight, figuring that she would just get ready over there.)

When she was buzzed up, she quickly greeted her four friends that had already started pre-gaming, taking note of Finn who looked positively in his happiest place around people he genuinely enjoyed spending time with. She let herself smile a little, explaining to her friends that she just needed to go get dressed quickly and then they were all set to head out. She grabbed herself a glass of wine and excused herself to the bathroom just a second later.

Since Rachel refused to pay for drinks that she could've easily gotten for free, she slipped on her favorite red silk sleeveless dress that didn't accentuate her lack of breasts which was always a win in her opinion. She pairs it with a silver pump, brushes a comb through her hair and decides that's good enough for her.

She sips at her wine respectively while walking back to her group of friends, approaching Finn first. "You look nice." She simply states, brushing imaginary dust off his shoulder. He's wearing a deep red polo and Rachel's just happy that he actually remembered the piece of information she had given him. "Maybe you'll even meet a girl." She gasps, in faux shock at the idea.

Finn lets out a small laugh, his eyes crinkling as he looks down at her. "Ha-ha, very funny, Berry."

Rachel shrugs and nudges his shoulder playfully. "Seriously though, Finn—this could possibly be a great opportunity for you. If anything, a one night stand could be in order."

Finn gives her a non-committal shrug and looks down at his feet. "Yeah, we'll see. Just—why don't we get there first and then let everything play out. I don't wanna force it."

Rachel nods in understanding, downing the rest of her glass. "Well let's get to it then." She announces excitedly, giving his butt a tap before gathering the troops to head out.

* * *

They get to Bootlegs rather quickly and with little to no effort. The subway ride is crowded but it's also a Thursday night so it's to be expected. Thursday's were deemed 'thirsty Thursday's' to all NYADA students… but to most college kids in general. The 4 and 5 express is quiet but once they transition to the J Train, that's when she can feel the environment getting a little bit more hectic.

Bootlegs lets them all in, handing them three red tickets to match with their red outfits. Well, everyone except Brittany who had refused, claiming that red was a satanic color in which she wanted nothing to do with. Rachel didn't question her on it.

"Make sure no one lets Brit go near that." Says Blaine, gesturing over to the keg placed near the jukebox. "We all remember what happened last time."

It had something to do with Brittany going absolutely crazy, doing a handstand on the keg and then proceeding to fight every person who went within a mile radius of Santana—so mostly everyone in the bar. It took Rachel a lot of convincing in order to stop them all from getting banned from the place.

"I can control my wonderful girlfriend, thank you very much hair-gel queen." Santana harshly said, glaring at the boy.

Rachel watches Blaine's look of astonishment as he instinctively reaches a hand up towards his hair before thinking better of it and returning it to his side.

"Brittany, no keg-stands and no fighting. Now, _children_ —can we please get those free drinks before I go absolutely crazy." Rachel says sternly, eyeing the bar in longing.

"Sounds good." Finn smiles, putting his arm around Rachel and leading her over to the bar, the three other friends directly in tow.

They all order a round—taking a shot straight. Rachel's not sure how she does it but she figures she's built up a rather impressive tolerance the last few months. If this was Rachel back in say—January, she probably wouldn't even be thinking of the prospect of alcohol.

While they let the shot settle, Rachel orders herself a Cosmo and takes a seat at the bar next to Finn, the two of them watching Brit and Santana dance around Blaine to some top ten pop song that's blaring through the speakers of the bar. She's sitting there quietly, laughing to herself and looking at Finn in decimals to make sure there's still that lopsided grin gracing his features. "We should go dance with them, Finny." She suggests, gesturing over to the three goofballs.

"I don't think they're prepared for my kind of dancing." He responds, rolling his eyes in a very non-aggressive way that makes Rachel push it a little more.

"Santana told me that you lack the ability to dance normally. I think she compared you to a zombie who looked like he needed to poop pretty bad." They both chuckle simultaneously and when it subsides, Rachel hops off the chair and pulls Finn off his. "All the more reason to do it."

They all dance for a good chunk of time, Rachel's pretty sure that she's listened to three of the same sugary pop tunes but then again, she's pretty buzzed from all of the pre-gaming and the shot _and_ the Cosmo, so she might be making things up in her brain at this point. Plus, Finn's picked her up like a ragdoll like ten times since they started dancing just to spin her around and prove that he's apparently a great dancer. It causes her head to feel a little more fuzzier than usual.

Usually, at times like this, she relies on her friends to keep her in check so when there's multiple people around her encouraging her to start off Bootlegs weekly famous karaoke night, she agrees because if it was a bad idea for her to go up there—Blaine or Santana would've stopped her. Instead, they're both right there along with everyone else, slightly nudging her up to the stage.

She stops them, laughing lightheartedly before saying her peace to them all. "Okay, okay. I'll sing, you don't have to tell me twice. On one condition though." She smiles wide, fully aware that when she does her nose fills up like half of her face, but she's too buzzed and too happy and content to really care about what others are thinking of her. She tugs on Finn's red polo, nodding over to the stage in order for him to get the gist.

"No way, Berry. You're nuts."

"Come on, Finn! Please! We can't let them down."

"No, no. _You_ can't let them down." He protests. "I have nothing to do with this."

"It'll be fun! I'll even let you pick the song, please, please, please." She begs, looking up at him with the best puppy dog eyes she could manage. She knows he gives in when she physically sees him let out a breath of air and then she's jumping up and down in excitement at the prospect of Finn singing with her.

Rachel grabs Finn's hand, pulling him up the stage. They stumble a bit but once they're up there, Rachel see's Finn swallow visibly, feeling a little guilty for forcing him to do this with her. What was he gonna do, say no and then have everyone boo him—no, he really didn't have a say in this. In order to calm him, she gives him a friendly pat on his shoulder, rubbing the spot there gently as she leans in to speak to him. "Pick any song you want and just have fun, Finn. It's harmless and you're great." She smiles and he manages to smile back at her, making her feel a little better about it.

"Do you guys have, uh— _Stop Draggin' My Heart Along_?" Asks Finn, his eyebrows raised in anticipation.

"No problem man, Stevie Nicks is a regular here."

Finn's eyes open wide in shock at the stranger's words and he looks over at Rachel for confirmation. "He means song wise—people always ask for Fleetwood Mac songs at karaoke night. I've heard The Chain sung like seven times in one night."

"Oh." Finn pauses, his face one of concern. "Should I ask for something else?" He asks her.

"No, no. Of course not. It's Stevie Nicks _and_ Tom Petty. Who doesn't love that combo?" She reassures him, giving his shoulder one last pat before making her way to her microphone. She makes sure Finn looks only mildly like he's gonna vomit before nodding over to the DJ and gesturing for him to begin.

The first few notes begin to play, layered with percussion before the iconic guitar starts coming into play and Rachel can't help but sway to the music, looking at Finn here and there to send him comforting glances. Rachel takes a deep breath and exhaling, slowly sings the first few lines, trying her best to not come off too strong.

 _Baby, you'll come knocking on my front door  
Same old line you used to use before  
I said ya, well  
What am I supposed to do  
I didn't know what I was getting into_

The rhythm changes slightly and she looks over at Finn who's just staring at her and she tries her best to send him encouraging glances as he joins in, his eyes shutting slightly as he sings the next part of the song along with her.

 _So you've had a little trouble in town  
Now you're keeping some demons down  
Stop draggin' my—Stop draggin' my  
Stop draggin' my heart around_

Rachel tries her best to keep her composure as she listens to Finn layer his voice with her own because for some reason, she wasn't expecting Finn to really keep up with her let alone even sound as good as he does. She figured he'd be decent, sub-par at most but he's _good_. Like—really, really good and she can't stop the widening of her eyes as she looks out into the crowd in order to catch her friends' glances. They're all watching Finn with the same kind of facial expressions that she was displaying and once she realizes that she's not hallucinating, that she's not the only one who can tell that Finn is honestly really amazing, she lets herself look back up at him, meeting his gaze with her own. He smiles at her and she gives him one back, one that she hopes is sending the holy-crap-who-knew-you-could-sing kind of message.

There's an instrumental pause and Rachel takes the microphone out of the stand in order to walk over to Finn in one fluid motion, placing her hand on his shoulder as she sang the following lines to him.

 _It's hard to think about what you've wanted  
It's hard to think about what you've lost  
This doesn't have to be the big get even  
This doesn't have to be anything at all_

Rachel watches Finn take a deep breath, taking a note from her and detaching his microphone from his stand to face her. He sings the next two lines in a way that Rachel can't even put her finger on. He approaches it tentatively, and yet there's not tremor to his voice, it's smooth and rhythmic and Rachel gets a little lost in it.

 _I know you really want to tell me goodbye  
I know you really want to be your own girl_

The crowd starts cheering, and Rachel's voice comes in again, singing the chorus with him for the second time. She can tell that the claps and whistles and the overall applause that the two of them are getting boosts Finn's confidence because he's got a kick in his step that hadn't been there before. They both sing to each other, Rachel's vocals layered with Finn's sounding like velvet on water—or whatever, she can't even really think coherently. It was vocally pleasing in every way imaginable and Rachel couldn't help but really get into it, letting Finn grasp on to her hips as they sang away. It was like, every person in the building could physically feel the emotion of the words coming out of it and yet, there really wasn't any deep meaningful tones layered behind the words—at least not for Rachel. But it worked; nonetheless they just simply fell into it naturally.

 _Baby, you could never look me in the eye  
Yeah, you buckle with the weight of the words  
Stop draggin' my  
Stop draggin' my  
Stop draggin' my heart around_

 _Stop draggin' my heart around_

Finn twirls her as gracefully as he can manage, dipping her down and then gently bringing her back up, as they let the last line of the song drawl out. Her feet even leave the floor as Finn holds her up so that she's eye level with him. When they're finished, the crowd of people let out the applause that they'd been holding in throughout the whole song and Finn places her gently back down to the floor. Rachel and Finn are laughing, her hands placed on his shoulders as she leans into him. Rachel's eyes still manage to be a little fixated in shock at the discovery of Finn being incredibly talented but she tears them away, looking at the crowd before nudging Finn to bow. He gives them all a curt bow, a huge smile on his face before gesturing towards Rachel, who nods as to not take the spotlight away from him (although, Stop Draggin' My Heart Around was a song that revolved around mostly Stevie Nicks vocals rather than Tom Petty's and Rachel _did_ sing the majority of the time but she decides to ignore that for now.)

They get applauded right off the stage and once their feet aren't on elevated ground, she and Finn get bombarded by their friends—well, mostly Finn.

"Tubbs, when did you start, I don't know—being good at something?" Santana asks in the most sincere way she can.

"Well, uh—"

"I mean, who knew you could sing let alone pull off a Tom Petty solo." Blaine cuts in, interrupting Finn's attempt at being modest.

"You guys reminded me of a mother goose and her ugly duckling." Brittany chimes in, stunning and sending them all into a state of confusion for a second.

"Well, I thought it was great. Finn and I sound perfect together and you know what they say about friends who sing together."

They all look at Rachel, waiting for her to finish her sentence. "Well, they must say something because we _did_ sound amazing." She finishes, nudging Finn gently.

"It was like, really good, wasn't it?" Finn states confidently, holding his head up a little higher.

"Yes! Which makes this the perfect opportunity for another round of shots!" Yells Brittany, pulling Santana to the bar with her as the rest of them follow in tow behind the pair.

They all quickly do another round and eventually, the aftermath of the performance dies down a tad. Rachel takes this somewhat less chaotic time as an opportunity to approach Finn, opening up with another redundant compliment about how good he was.

"I guess, I don't know. I don't do much singing myself but I'm teaching show choir at Loyola so you know, it probably helps that I'm kinda good at it, right?"

"God, yeah it helps immensely. I mean, Kurt and I never stop going on and on about how Mr. Shuester tainted Glee club with his rapping but the guy was talented on all levels. I think you'll do a good job." She says in a very reassuring tone, although she's not even sure he really needs any reassurance from her.

"I always wanted to join Glee club, y'know?" Finn turns his head over to look at Rachel who's giving him another surprised look, like—really? Finn and show choir? Huh, who would've thought?

"So, what stopped you?"

"Well, I never really thought I was good, so there's that." He puts simply, shrugging his shoulders slightly. "Plus, I had football, it was my thing and I didn't want to like… disrupt the social latter. It was stupid but being popular mattered to me, I was a shallow seventeen year old." He joked but Rachel doesn't laugh, not really. She feels a little bad for him, actually. He missed out on one of the most fun things in her high school career because he was too wrapped up in his popularity. His confession didn't really shock her though, actually—she pretty much knew that already. She had gotten slushied by Finn on more than one occasion after all.

"Look at it this way," she starts, tilting her head upwards so that she can make eye-contact with him. "Now you're getting another shot at it."

"How so?"

"Well, you're teaching it this time around. So, yeah—maybe you missed your opportunity to be a kid in a show choir but now you can encourage other kids not to make the same mistake you did. It's a good opportunity for you, Finn. It'll be great and you can teach them a lot of important shit." She finished, her voice laced with as much encouragement as she could muster.

"People don't give you enough credit, Berry." He says, a light laugh leaving his parted lips. She looks at him in confusion; eyebrows raised beckoning him to enlighten her. "You're good at making people feel like—special or something, even like accomplished, I would say."

Rachel smiles up at him, "what can I say, I'm just really good at this whole friend thing." They both laugh and it subsides shortly after, leaving Rachel in this very content place—feeling almost indestructible, like nothing could possibly ever go wrong in her life ever again. She's got great people around her, supporting and loving friends who care about her.

It triggers something in her, makes her want to give back to these friends of hers in some way. She suddenly goes back to the conversation she and Finn had a little while ago, about whether or not he might meet a girl tonight. Suddenly, she feels responsible. She wants him to go out and meet new people and expand his horizons. After all, he's in New York City for god's sake! This isn't Lima Ohio, this was a city for opportunity and Rachel would be damned if she didn't try to make New York as much of a home to Finn as it was to Rachel.

Looking back up at Finn, she eyes him up and down carefully as he looks at her in confusion. "I have a proposition," she starts, rubbing her hands together as a plan concocts in her mind. "How do you feel about having your own wing woman?"

* * *

a/n: so a lot of things happened in this chapter! i want to make it clear that this is not the last of jesse st. james, oh no, no this is just the beginning my friends! also—I didn't _want_ to end this chapter here but unfortunately i kind of had to cut it short because otherwise it was going to get really long so expect a continuation for next time where we get to see a continuation of the night!


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